Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The Psychology of Wine

I am a fairly rational thinker who strives to make practical, well-thought-out (well maybe) decisions but, after careful consideration of the facts, I have come to the conclusion that there is a psychology of wine which is an immutable force pushing me willy-nilly in one direction -- further immersion into the world of wine.  Following are some key indicators of this condition -- known medically as vinomyopia (a short-sighted desertion of practical worldly pursuits in favor of things vinous) or, in extreme circumstances, as vinomyopiarosé (same as vinomyopia but as seen through rose-colored glasses).

You may have a problem if you are not gainfully employed in the wine trade yet you spend more time thinking and drinking wine than people who earn their livelihoods from it.  If you constantly have to make gut-wrenching decisions about whether to go to work or to a producer-tasting, you have lost touch with reality and are well on the way to the special place reserved for VMPs (shorthand for persons with the above-described condition).

When you are afflicted with this condition, you never have enough wine storage.  The number of bottles you own expands (exponentially) to exceed your available storage in an incredibly short time after you have brought new storage space online.  And it is not all about consumption.  Rather, I think that this condition is associated with hoarding (I mean collecting) as the rate of acquisition tends to exceed the rate of consumption by 3 to 1.  So you tend to know the wine consultants at ABC very well because, in addition to the home cellar, and multiple wine coolers and Eurocaves, you rent three or four wine cabinets at ABC.

You should begin to be concerned when you see the same six or eight people at every local wine event that you attend (As a matter of fact, attendance at a lot of local wine events is an indicator.).  They are fellow travellers along the road but, moreso, they are flashing warning signs telling you to get off the tracks before it is too late.  If you stay on, you too will become a wine zombie.

You are on your last legs when your spouse begins to address you by your surname (which, hopefully, is the same as his/hers) and constantly mutters "This is sick" or "This is a sickness." And you know, they are right.  We have identified it in the opening paragraph.

There are other indications such as the hoarding of wine shop receipts in shoe boxes, having a lot of wine-cork art, and having friends who actually sew blind-tasting wine bags, but I will not detail these as I think you get the gist of the problem.  Consider the forgoing carefully and check yourself.  It is truly a slippery slope.  Do not be smug if only one or two of the foregoing apply to you because the condition is singular.  That is, a single manifestation of any of the elements is considered to be evidence of a full-bore affliction.  If you have multiple instances (or all) of the above, you are toast.


  1. I read this and then went out and bought 6 bottes of wine :)